I've been sick, things happened.

Yeah sorry about not updating since whenever. I've been pretty sick. The Bruins have been pretty laissez-faire. The Leafs, while I don't really give too much of a crap other than about Schenn, have been downright fucktacular. So what's there been to write about. Let's see, I think I can sum up every thing I've missed in a few bullet points.

• Milan Lucic came back from his high ankle sprain and it's taken him about 6 games to start rounding back into form, and took I think 5 for him to score. 
• Marc Savard came back from a tweaked MCL and it took him one game to set up Lucic, and to get the 17-91-81 line back together. Please note: I will never, ever, ever NOT find it hilarious that 17-91-81 is back together with SATAN on the 81 jersey. Irony is my favourite mistress. 
• Marco Sturm came back from something or the other and scored in his first game back.
• Patrice Bergeron came back from a broken thumb and scored in, I believe? His first game back. 
• David Krejci did an almost admirable job of centring the top line whilst the other top centres were out.
• Vladimir Sobotka was awesome.
• Marc Recchi should never be allowed to take faceoffs unless someone else is tossed out of the circle.
• Somehow the Bruins beat the Sharks while missing their top 3 centres, and 3 of their top defencemen. Zdeno Chara taking a slapshot from 15' away in the shootout was one of the greatest things ever.
• Everyone hates Dennis Wideman. I don't. I think he is still pretty great. He's just having the same shitty streak half the team seems to be having. What's up with some dumb bitch going to the PJ Drive and asking him to sign a "How to Skate" book and nagging him about how he sucks? I don't see her out there playing in the NHL. Nice fanship, twatwaffle. 
• I think the Leafs won a game in January.

Then there is the oft-churning rumour mill spouting that the Bruins are looking to pick up Ilya Kovalchuk and/or Dion Phaneuf, with the word in the pipeline that Atlanta wants a player, a prospect, and a pick for Kovy. First off, I find that hard to believe. Unless the player is like, Evgeni Malkin. If Kovy came to Boston, the only untouchable player  in the trade coffers would be Marc Savard, because the whole point of putting Kovy in Black and Gold would be to reunite that scoring tandem. Add in the fact that there's no player on the current roster that any GM in his right mind would give up, that would free up enough cap space, and that Chia-pet has already said there's a better chance of the Leafs winning the Cup this year than there is of him trading that pick he got for Kessel.... Kovy ain't coming to Boston.

And then I come online before dinner to find out the Leafs made a blockbuster trade for Gigurere and Phaneuf. And really, all I have to say about that is, maybe Jason Blake can get some colour on his pale ass out in California, and thank fucking GOD Phaneuf isn't going to Boston. Someone let me know when Burke fires Wilson and I might start paying attention to the Leafs again. Poor Luke Schenn. On the plus side, at least for Schenn, he's now got a new buddy (who's been assigned straightaway to the Marlies) in the system in Keith Aulie, former Wheat King and teammate of a one Brayden Schenn. Find the positives where you can, people.

The Bruins have actually started playing really well, and frankly would've won last night if Thomas' backward momentum on Dustin Brown's shootout goal hadn't slid him and the puck into the net. The Bruins SHOULD have won that game, all things considered. Yeah, sure, they only really delivered about 50 minutes of 65, but you can see last year's Bruins finally starting to come back together. God damned shame it's taken 4 months of the season. And with 2 points separating 6th from 12th in the Eastern Conference.... it should be a fun spring.

Lastly, I would like to say that I love Jack Edwards. No one has more fun than him. And Andy Brickley who has the joy of sitting next to him night in, night out, often wondering when he'll get that 7 second delay and a censor button. Here was last night's (and probably the year's) GEM from Edwards, to kick off the overtime period:

"Krejci and Wheeler are the forwards for Claude Julien in this overtime, with Matt Hunwick and Johnny Bucyk on defence." Insert very long silence where Brick must have just been staring at Jack open mouthed while Jack waited for him to say something, then he realised his mistake. "Oh! I mean Boychuk. Haha, I bet Johnny Bucyk wishes he was out there, eh? Well, they're both from Edmonton, there must be some relation somewhere down the line."

The caveat in this is that, yes, Bucyk and Boychuk are derivatives of the same Ukranian last name, bastardised upon entry into North America, and while I suppose at first glance, the two look similar, I can't really figure out how one could forget that Johnny Bucyk hasn't laced 'em up for the Black and Gold since 1978, and was actually a left winger, not a d-man. But hey, whatever, you win some, you lose some. Well played though, Jack.

Up next for the Bruins are the mighty Caps, who will be missing defenceman Mike Green for the game, who threw an irresponsible peoples' elbow at someone's head and got himself a 3 game suspension. Here's to hoping last year's Bruins show up for this one as well.

Congrats on your 3 wins in January, Boston!

But I'm not all doom, gloom, and sarcasm. A friend of mine found the greatest photo ever of Marc Savard, and I will share it with you, because that's how I do. While probably the most innocuous split-second in a long-forgotten game, this, people, is the reason to get into sports photography. Because every once in a thousand photos, you get something like this:

And that, my friends, is a beauty.

More B's pics / Leafs-talk

I'm going to start with the Leafs talk. B's fans, you can skip down.

So there's a REALLY well-written and well-though-out Dave Shoalts column in today's Globe and Mail, and I want all the Leafs fans who found their way here to go read it. I'll wait.

Read it? Awesome. The points he makes that I like are, what damned good would it do to bring Kadri and Bozak up right now? To start breaking them? Kessel is proof that one player CAN'T change a team (although, if you look to the Bruins and the return of Lucic and Savard to the dressing room, you'll find the opposing take on that). Can two? Three? Four? How many does it take? You know what CAN change a team? The coaching. Now I know Burkie won't fire his BFFRW two months before the Olympics, when he's named him as coach of Team USA. Nothing says confidence in a man like canning him but letting him lead your national team. I really kind of hope USA tanks it in the Olympics giving Burke his just cause. And I hate Team USA as an organisation. Sorry. But that still means a couple months of the Leafs mistaking truculent for turbulent. So I'm here to help. Leafs, pay attention. Luke Schenn, you too buddy. I think I can help you out.

Truculent
1 : feeling or displaying ferocity : cruel, savage
2 : deadly, destructive
3 : scathingly harsh : vitriolic
4 : aggressively self-assertive : belligerent

Truculent

Turbulent
 1 : characterized by agitation or tumult : tempestuous

Turbulent

Stop being agitated. Stop feeling sorry for yourselves. Be aggressive, pro-active, destructive and fierce. Bluntly, stop being girls and just go out and play like men.

That said, I would love to see Luke Schenn in the Black & Gold with Wideman. I think it would work. It might take some time, and sorry, Ference, but y'know. These things (could) happen.  

Moving on.

BRUINS PHOTOS!

I snaked all of these from the B's website, cause, surprise, Daylife let me down again.  Enjoy!

Milan Lucic, I love you. I would bake you chocolate cakes and set

your homepage to Zappos and talk to you in Serbian all day long,

but babe, that nose keeps getting bigger and bigger. You're a beast.

Never change.

Is Recchi giving the finger? I think he is!

Looch's goal. I love how the puck is conveniently cut out of frame.
A more detailed breakdown of the goal to be found on WEEI.

This never gets old. That look on Bitzy's face is HILARIOUS.

Krejc drawing a penalty and Mair looking wicked guilty.

WHO HAS MORE FUN THAN US?

Is the ref in on the win-lovin'? Could Chara be taller?

Could Bergie's Movember duster be any creepier?

In a semi-related note to the "Who has more fun than us" caption... There's an hilarious commercial for the NESN show The Instigators, starring Jack Edwards, Mike Milbury and Andy Brickley (which you totally should watch because it's also hilarious), where Edwards gets nailed with water balloons, including one right to the jewels, doubles over and pain, and keeps getting hit with the balloons. Who are still being thrown by Mike and Brick. I'm pretty sure I have it on DVD, I'll try to rip it and put it up on YouTube cause really, you need to see it.

Wides hits 100 and other Bs @ ATL / TOR observations!

Congratulations, Dennis Wideman! 100 NHL points. And way to pick up your O. Mikey Ryder, my fantasy team thanks you. Milan Lucic looks awesome out there. There's been a few missteps, but on the whole, looking good. Coach, thanks for taking my suggestion to put Wides back with Ference.

Um. BOTH Thrasher goals left me agape. My jack was slack. Very, very impressive.

This would be SUCH a better game if there was a roar of a crowd. DURING the game. This is a GOOD hockey game. Sigh.

Awesome. A 4 on 3. Say it with me now, lovelies. FIRE. WAGON. HOCKEY!

Seriously this game really needs a roaring crowd. This is intense. It's just not the same without the OOOOOOOOOOHs and AAAAAAAHHHHHHs.

OK I will do a summary of both games tomorrow because a lot of things blew my mind. Like Blake Wheeler whiffing on an open net in the shootout.  And the Thrashers tying it up in the last minute. I SAW THE PITTSBURGH GAME FLASH BY MY EYES ALL OVER AGAIN. Then it went to the shootout. The SHOOTOUT! I cussed for about 2 minutes straight. I told a friend of mine someone better make sure all the milk crates are strapped down, just in case. But Tuuuuuuuuukks!

Anyway, I was watching the Leafs score on my computer, and WHOAH! up 3-0 in the first! Then the Leafs turned back into the Leafs and went on to lose to Carolina 6-5 in the shootout.

I'm getting a good feel for what it's like to be a fan of the Leafs.It's not much different from being a fan of the Caps in the early 00s. Funny, that.

Halloween treats, and tricks.

TRICK: Pavelec honours Jacques Plant.
I might've given up on blogging about the Thrashers, but it is absolutely worth mentioning that last night, Ondrej Pavelec accidentally honoured the 50th anniversary of Jacques Plant storming off the ice and refusing to return without a mask. You know the part in Transformers 2 when Simmons is climbing the pyramid and is right beneath Devastator's swinging steel wrecking balls? Yeah, that's Pavelec. Had no choice but to take a shot, maskless, and made a shoulder save on it. Ondrej Pavelec, here's to you. Curious here, if he had stood up and moved from the crease, would the play be blown dead and/or the goal negated if one was subsequently scored? The Thrashers went on to, well, Thrash the Senators, 4-2. Well done,former team. Very well done!

TREAT: How's Looch doin?
Milan Lucic made a visit to the NESN desk to join Kathryn (irregardless is not a word, lady) Tappen and Barry Pederson this past Hallow's Eve. This might be the most charming and charismatic 21 year old I've ever ran across. Everyone calls/ed Crosby "poised" and "mature" but he's so wooden, as if saying his lines by rote. This guy has more than the standard 82 hockey cliches memorised. He's made up his own. Admirable, but the rapport with the press can be analogised as such; Lucic and Crosby equals Bill Clinton and Hilary. Looch glad-hands the cliches, I can't lie, but he adds in so much colour and humour into his answers. Check him out.

Also, two other semi-relevant points. #1 - Did anyone else see the "Big Mouth" segment where Jack and Brick joined the Philly broadcasters in the 2nd intermission of that painful loss? Jack and Brick were so natty and sharp-dressed-men in comparison to the Philly guys. And a lot more entertaining to listen to but I wouldn't know since NHL Network aired the Comcast feed. #2 - Looch is also so well dressed. He wears a suit well.

TREAT AND A TRICK: Pony shuts up the Habs cult.
The Habs were leading the Leafs by 2 (hardest lead to hold) with 4 minutes to go in the 3rd. The smarmy cult of Habs fans had begun singing the Goodbye song (na-na-na-na na-na-na-na hey-hey-hey, good byyyyyyye (one of the things I really do miss in hockey these days, I have to admit), when Alexei Ponikarovsky scored, and shut the fans up. The Leafs then promptly potted another, and the game went to OT. Then it went to the shootout. And the Leafs, being the Leafs, did not win. BUT! In their defence, how the hell are you supposed to focus on the shots you have when that butt ugly and dizzying striped jersey in front of you all night? I hate that jersey. That is THE WORST jersey in the NHL.

TREAT: Tuuuuuuks gets the S v Edmonton
A lot of people in the hockey world (although not Bruins or Team Finland fans) were really first introduced to Tuukka Rask when he lost his shit down Providence. Last night he tricked the Oilers and gave them a shutout for their efforts. The game was typical Oiler hockey, which is to say, fast, quick transition, constant line changes on the fly, few whistles, lots of hits, lots of back check, fore check and hip check! It was totally a game the Bruins were up for. As someone who's also a fan of the Oilers (OH GOD GATOR GET A JOB WITH THE OIL, SOB!), I thoroughly enjoyed watching the Bruins step right up and play in stride. A great 60 minute game with full effort.

TREAT: Wheeler and Sobotka are the shit
For what it's worth, Sobotka better stay up in Boston, and he, Wheels and Paille will be the Kessel-Savard-Lucic line of this season. The last 6 seconds of the 2nd period were breath-taking, heart-stopping, and fist-pumpingly awesome. In the most deliciously vicious cycle, Vladi made a point-blank shot on Khabibulin, Ryder sent the rebound to Wheeler, Wheels threaded it to Vladi, and again he shot on Twitchy. Three times in just seconds and the 4th one went in, popped the water bottle, and caused the fans to raise the roof in celebration. So loudly that few heard the period-over siren 0:02 seconds before the puck crossed the line. But Vladi and Wheels heard. And they made sure the next two counted. Wheel from Vladi, then Vladi from Wheels, and the Bruins sent the Oilers away with 0 points and a shutty.

Schenn shirts now available / Leafs analysis

Having done about a thousand Google searches of my own for Luke Schenn shirts, I'm pleased to share with the world that they're now available for purchase through the ACC Centresports Store. You can either go in to purchase one, or have it shipped to you. It's the regular blue shirt with white TML logo, and SCHENN / 2 on the back. Cost is $32.59CDN, plus $20 shipping if you need it shipped. If you're in the US, that works out to $50.43USD. You can purchase by calling the Centresports Store at 416/815.5746. M-S 10:00-17:00, U 12:00-17:00.

In semi-related news, I'm thinking about slapping this on a shirt and having them printed up:

Possibly with SCHENN/2 on the back. Thinking it over. Obviously that one would be for the laaaadies. I'm trying to find a good picture for the general public. And I'm also trying to figure out how to manipulate the Obama blue/red into Toronto Blue/White and also Bruins Black/Gold so that I can make some Bruins ones. I mean, hello? Who wouldn't want LOOCH SMASH? Mmmhm.

Analysis: What's Wrong With the Leafs?

Anyway I said I was going to get into what's wrong with the Leafs today. I'll stick with my former assessment and say "everything." They really do need to sit down as a team and watch Miracle, because the legs DO feed the wolves, gentlemen, and from the drop of the puck last night, they team almost consistently skated as if they were in mud. If it's spring, if they're playing in a warmer city, that's almost acceptable. But it's nearing winter, and they're playing on home ice. It was nearly painful to try and watch - particularly the part where Sean Avery mentioned how every team he's on plays above .500. Am I the only one who wanted to beat him with a shoe? Obviously not, that was a rhetorical question.

What I think is really wrong with the Leafs is Ron Wilson. Very likable man, but not a good coach. I'm almost never one to say "FIRE THE COACH!" but in this instance, I think that's really the only thing that can be done to turn this team around. All the pieces are there in terms of cog in the team wheel, although I'm still LMFAO that they thought Garnet Exelby would be a good addition to their d-corps. Another huge problem, last night at least, was playing Schenn on the left. Don't put a young D-man on his off-side just so you can pair him up with a different partner. That's how you ruin an up-and-coming player's confidence, and the skill they've built thusfar. A winger is one thing, because the wingers are constantly switching sides as the plays develop, but a defenceman's another story entirely, especially a teenager. Let him get used to the system, let him re-find his NHL legs, let him get used to all the new d-men he's got on the team before you go rattling him and moving him to the off-side. Unsettling your players is the last thing you want to do when you're working your way towards the lifetime achievement of "worst start in the history of the NHL" (although, are the Isles up there too, poor JT). Shaking up the lines and pairings is one thing. Switching players to their off-wing, off-side, or unnatural position is another thing entirely, and is, dare I say, stupid. Tonnes of Leafs fans are hoping and praying Phil Kessel is the saviour they want Schenn to be and I hate to break it to them, but without a quality centre, which they STILL don't seem to have, considering the last 7 games, Kessel is just going to be another struggling player in a system already full of them.

In summation: Keep your young star D-man on his correct side, find a really amazing centre (I'm thinking Kadri here), fire the coach, set the lines and let them fucking be. And have those boys bag skate and stickhandle through an entire rink of cones, until they puke, because the stickhandling and skating is just out-of-control bad.

You're doing it wrong.

Apparently last night, Milan Lucic broke a finger. Halfway through the 2nd. And kept playing. But is out of the line up. And on the bench. For probably 2-3 weeks. Maybe more, maybe less.

So Lucic-less Bruins to take on Soon-to-be-homeless Coyotes. But Guillaume Lefebvre, not to be confused with Bret Favre, will be stepping in for Looch. Not sure on what line, or who's going where or really, whether to wind my butt or scratch my watch, but hey the Leafs are only down by 1 after the 1st! So there's that.

Maybe tomorrow I'll talk about what's wrong with the Leafs. It could be a long post. Maybe a short one. Maybe I can do it now: Everything. Someone make that team watch Miracle.

Get well soon, Looch. Can you splint that thing and play anyway?

It's autumn, the Leafs must be falling

First off, I'd like to congratulate the Leafs on being the WORST incarnation of this team since the team's inception. That is some kind of special. I honestly can't really remember any team starting off the season with a 6 game losing skid. I mean, like ever, in my 20+ years of hockey watching. I'm sure there might've been. Phoenix maybe? Columbus! The Caps sucked for a long time. Which brings me 'round to something...


See I have a particular affinity for the Ron Wilson coaching staff, particularly one Tim Hunter. Mostly cause they're seriously cool guys, and Tim let my friends and I wear his Stanley Cup ring once, and I've never felt so cool in my life. Plus that's the closest I'll ever get to a Stanley Cup ring unless I steal one. Which I wouldn't. I mean, where would I wear it? But I really like Crazy Ron and Hunts and Zettler.  But... like does no one remember the years AFTER the Caps went to the Cup final with them? You know, the... what, 7, 8 years when the Caps SUCKED? When the cheers in the stands when the other team scored were "Nah-nah-nah-nah-nah HEY! WE SUCK!" ? When we booed our own goalies? When everyone came to games dressed as empty seats? When the team was so bad that while sitting in our seats, my mates and I would discuss the potential cities the team would be moving to, and what their names might be? (Seattle Lattes was my personal favourite.) In a way, Wilson, Hunter and Zettler remind me of Jose Theodore and Johan Hedberg. Each had one REALLY GREAT SEASON in their respective positions, and ever since then they've been failing at living up to that legacy.

I'm not a huge Leafs fan. I love Luke Schenn and Nazim Kadri, I hate Mike Komisarek, even though my girlfriend wants to climb him like a redwood and do things to him that are illegal in most of the lower 48. Of course I hate Mike Komisarek, I'm a Bruins fan. But I watch the Leafs for the sake of Schenn. And in hopes that Kadri won't inherit the worst team EVER. My hopes are falling just as are the autumn leaves leafs.

Woe.

Photo courtesy AP, all rights reserved

But here's a gripe I have that has nothing to do with the shitty play of the team on the ice. Last night's game was broadcast exclusively through Leafs TV, even on Center Ice down here in the states, and for the first, oh, 45 minutes?  There was one second of sound for every 7 seconds of silence. Literally. I sat and counted as I watched for about 10 minutes. I considered muting it because really, the game was kind of better that way. The Avs hadn't scored in the first 10 minutes, but I was too lazy to press play, and I asked around to some friends who all have Center Ice on different cable and satellite carriers. They ALL had the same sound problems. Which means it came out of the Leafs TV broadcast central.

You know, it's not bad enough the team is this bad, but it adds a lot of insult to injury that they can't even get the SOUND to work on an exclusive broadcast. About 10 minutes into the 1st, I gave up and watched Ghost Hunters on DVD. After half of an excellent episode (Ghostly Conversations, if you're wondering), I turned the DVD off and lo and behold - sound! Oh, but Colorado had scored twice to the Leafs once. And remembering the Caps of yore, I knew that meant the Leafs were just going to roll over, give up, and hope no one came out of it dead.

Poor Luke Schenn. Poor Maple Leaf Fans. I'm still going to buy a Luke Schenn shirt as soon as one comes out, and I'll still refer to him as OLAS, but I don't think even Luke can turn around this trainwreck of a season. Like I said, let's just hope no one comes out of this dead. And hey, there's still the Christmas and March trade deadlines to look forward to.... or uh, something.