I've been sick, things happened.

Yeah sorry about not updating since whenever. I've been pretty sick. The Bruins have been pretty laissez-faire. The Leafs, while I don't really give too much of a crap other than about Schenn, have been downright fucktacular. So what's there been to write about. Let's see, I think I can sum up every thing I've missed in a few bullet points.

• Milan Lucic came back from his high ankle sprain and it's taken him about 6 games to start rounding back into form, and took I think 5 for him to score. 
• Marc Savard came back from a tweaked MCL and it took him one game to set up Lucic, and to get the 17-91-81 line back together. Please note: I will never, ever, ever NOT find it hilarious that 17-91-81 is back together with SATAN on the 81 jersey. Irony is my favourite mistress. 
• Marco Sturm came back from something or the other and scored in his first game back.
• Patrice Bergeron came back from a broken thumb and scored in, I believe? His first game back. 
• David Krejci did an almost admirable job of centring the top line whilst the other top centres were out.
• Vladimir Sobotka was awesome.
• Marc Recchi should never be allowed to take faceoffs unless someone else is tossed out of the circle.
• Somehow the Bruins beat the Sharks while missing their top 3 centres, and 3 of their top defencemen. Zdeno Chara taking a slapshot from 15' away in the shootout was one of the greatest things ever.
• Everyone hates Dennis Wideman. I don't. I think he is still pretty great. He's just having the same shitty streak half the team seems to be having. What's up with some dumb bitch going to the PJ Drive and asking him to sign a "How to Skate" book and nagging him about how he sucks? I don't see her out there playing in the NHL. Nice fanship, twatwaffle. 
• I think the Leafs won a game in January.

Then there is the oft-churning rumour mill spouting that the Bruins are looking to pick up Ilya Kovalchuk and/or Dion Phaneuf, with the word in the pipeline that Atlanta wants a player, a prospect, and a pick for Kovy. First off, I find that hard to believe. Unless the player is like, Evgeni Malkin. If Kovy came to Boston, the only untouchable player  in the trade coffers would be Marc Savard, because the whole point of putting Kovy in Black and Gold would be to reunite that scoring tandem. Add in the fact that there's no player on the current roster that any GM in his right mind would give up, that would free up enough cap space, and that Chia-pet has already said there's a better chance of the Leafs winning the Cup this year than there is of him trading that pick he got for Kessel.... Kovy ain't coming to Boston.

And then I come online before dinner to find out the Leafs made a blockbuster trade for Gigurere and Phaneuf. And really, all I have to say about that is, maybe Jason Blake can get some colour on his pale ass out in California, and thank fucking GOD Phaneuf isn't going to Boston. Someone let me know when Burke fires Wilson and I might start paying attention to the Leafs again. Poor Luke Schenn. On the plus side, at least for Schenn, he's now got a new buddy (who's been assigned straightaway to the Marlies) in the system in Keith Aulie, former Wheat King and teammate of a one Brayden Schenn. Find the positives where you can, people.

The Bruins have actually started playing really well, and frankly would've won last night if Thomas' backward momentum on Dustin Brown's shootout goal hadn't slid him and the puck into the net. The Bruins SHOULD have won that game, all things considered. Yeah, sure, they only really delivered about 50 minutes of 65, but you can see last year's Bruins finally starting to come back together. God damned shame it's taken 4 months of the season. And with 2 points separating 6th from 12th in the Eastern Conference.... it should be a fun spring.

Lastly, I would like to say that I love Jack Edwards. No one has more fun than him. And Andy Brickley who has the joy of sitting next to him night in, night out, often wondering when he'll get that 7 second delay and a censor button. Here was last night's (and probably the year's) GEM from Edwards, to kick off the overtime period:

"Krejci and Wheeler are the forwards for Claude Julien in this overtime, with Matt Hunwick and Johnny Bucyk on defence." Insert very long silence where Brick must have just been staring at Jack open mouthed while Jack waited for him to say something, then he realised his mistake. "Oh! I mean Boychuk. Haha, I bet Johnny Bucyk wishes he was out there, eh? Well, they're both from Edmonton, there must be some relation somewhere down the line."

The caveat in this is that, yes, Bucyk and Boychuk are derivatives of the same Ukranian last name, bastardised upon entry into North America, and while I suppose at first glance, the two look similar, I can't really figure out how one could forget that Johnny Bucyk hasn't laced 'em up for the Black and Gold since 1978, and was actually a left winger, not a d-man. But hey, whatever, you win some, you lose some. Well played though, Jack.

Up next for the Bruins are the mighty Caps, who will be missing defenceman Mike Green for the game, who threw an irresponsible peoples' elbow at someone's head and got himself a 3 game suspension. Here's to hoping last year's Bruins show up for this one as well.

Congrats on your 3 wins in January, Boston!

But I'm not all doom, gloom, and sarcasm. A friend of mine found the greatest photo ever of Marc Savard, and I will share it with you, because that's how I do. While probably the most innocuous split-second in a long-forgotten game, this, people, is the reason to get into sports photography. Because every once in a thousand photos, you get something like this:

And that, my friends, is a beauty.

I bring you some funny

No B's or Leafs games this week, although quite a bit of news, but I'm not what you'd call "a news source," so why bother trying to be the 2nd person in the world to re-phrase and re-post a Google alert? You, my readers, are intelligent peeps. I'm sure you'd know stuff without me having to inform you. So instead! I bring you funniness!

First off, Milan Lucic explains to Maxim magazine why getting punched in 30f/-1c weather sucks. While watching, some of you may recall my rather graphic physics lesson in my earlier post. Aha! Found it on YouTube!



Next up, from MLIA (if you don't read this site, you're banished from my blog until you do):

Today, I was watching an NHL game, in the backround you could hear Party In the USA playing at the rink. The camera zoomed onto the teams captain, he was singing along to the song. MLIA

Who was it? Who so badly represented their team's C that they sang along to MILEY CYRUS ON CAMERA?? They better have daughters, whoever they are, because that's the only acceptable excuse for knowing the words to that tramp's songs. Britney, however, is perfectly acceptable.

Third, I heard, as I'm sure you all have, that Mark "Ironman" Stuart is out 4-6 weeks with a broken sternum. And kept playing the remainder of the game AFTER breaking his sternum, at full throttle. That's not the funny part. I also read that he's in a body cast. Still not the funny part. Wondering if said body cast included the aluminum props to hold his arms to the side, I googled "sternum cast." Here comes the funny part. Click that link. For the low-low price of only $40 you can buy a cast of a human hand in puzzle form! For another $20 you can get the hand already put together. I'm considering purchasing one of these for the next time someone asks me for a hand.


By the way, if you were wondering WTF a sternum is, it's the dagger-shaped bone at the front of your chest that steadies your ribs in a protective cage around your heart. And yes, playing with that particular bone broken is foolish and a little reckless, but when are hockey players NOT a little foolish and reckless when it comes to winning games? Does anyone know what a broken sternum body cast looks like? Photos appreciated. Poor Stuey. He had 246 consecutive NHL games played, including playoffs, until, well, tonight. I believe Krejci is the next guy on the team with the Ironman record: 192 consecutive NHL games played, 93 of those with a badly injured hip. Go Krejc go!

Lastly, Mr Luke Schenn will be giving up his press-box seat in favour of a uniform tonight vs. the Sabres. There's a nice article in the Sun about his return, and frankly? I would LOVE to see what would happen if Crazy Ron slapped him upside the head. Anyone else think Luke would punch him as strictly a reactionary measure? I hope Luke used some of his time off to visit a boxing gym and learn how to properly make a fist and throw a punch. I will congratulate Luke on nailing some of the best hockey cliches while being scratched. In my Milan Lucic is to Bill Clinton as Sidney Crosby is to Hilary... Luke tends to fall more on the Hilary side of wooden-ness with the media.

But no, seriously. Who the hell was singing Party in the USA? Have them stripped of their captaincy immediately unless they have daughters.

Saturday Night sucked.

One minor complaint I have about loving the Bruins and Luke Schenn is that, the B's and Leafs somehow managed to get nearly identical schedules for the duration of the season. How am I supposed to be a good cougar and watch Schenny play when the Bruins are playing at the same time?! Thank god for opening ceremonies EVERY GAME at the ACC (or so it seems), and staggered start times, and commercial breaks. I still haven't quite figured out the length of LeafsTV commercial breaks yet though, so I'm missing important things. Or unimportant, depending.

But Saturday night, I was pumped. It was supposed to be grrrrrrrrrrrreat! The B's taking on the Pens, whom they'd JUST shut out earlier in the week, and the Leafs welcoming the Flames into the ACC (Side note on why this was great: Kipper's GAA in the ACC lifetime is ~5.42) was filled with promise. And it was 80s night at the ACC! WENDEL CLARK! TRUCULENCE! I felt my heart swell watching Wendel not only beat ass, but pot a shitload of goals. Luke Schenn I hope you were watching, young man! THAT is how you do it. Someone set up a meeting with Luke and Wendel. I think that can help his confidence a lot.

Moving on before I fangirl like a teenager who likes Twilight.... So the game starts. And the Flames put up 2 in like a minute in a half, :16 apart. Oh. Shit. But hello pugilists. Was I the only one laughing at Olli Jokinen dropping his gloves? Has anyone ever seen a Finn fight (Tony Salmelainen not included)? I'm trying to think of badass pugilistic Finns, and I'm failing here. Someone help a sista out.

But oh blessed relief, the B's game was about to start. So I'm working my remote-control magic, caressing the remote and flipping at every stoppage in play and every commercial. And holy fucking shit the Bruins and their O! David Krejci, marry me! I love you! I love when you set up beautiful goals put in from the goal line. And I love your goal celebrations! And I love that you and Sobotka were on the 5-on-3 PP towards the end of the 3rd together (well played Coach!). I can't lie. At some point during the evening, possibly once Monster was pulled in favour of Toskala (yeah, I see the irony too), I kind of just gave up on the Leafs, relying on my friends online to tell me when to flip to catch Luke looking truculent. Because the Bruins! They were playing catch up with the Pens every few minutes. It was like watching ping pong. Not that I've ever done that sober, but whatever. And when Timmy stopped Crosby towards the final few minutes, oh dear god how I love this team.

AND THEN THE BRUINS TOOK THE LEAD FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THE GAME, with 2:29 to go! Danke, Marco! Then Bylsma pulled Johnny out of the net and put the 6th attacker out, and was I the only one waiting for Timmy to shoot for the empty net? He'd been wandering almost up to the blueline all  night and I felt like it was in preparation for something, and MAYBE THAT SOMETHING WAS AN EMPTY NETTER! HERE WAS HIS CHANCE!

And then.... then it all fell apart.

Patrice Bergeron was moving to take a shot at the empty net from the blueline and HIS FUCKING STICK BROKE. HIS STICK BROKE! RIGHT IN FRONT OF CROSBY, MALKIN AND GUERIN! Sweet bleeding Jesus, those are the last 3 guys you want to have an equipment malfunction in front of. And sure enough, the three raced up ice with the puck and with 00:00:00.04 left on the clock, Guerin snapped it high stick side, tying it, and leaving every Bruins fan in the world with a slack-jawed look wondering, what the fuck just happened? No seriously, what the FUCK just happened?

Just when you thought, well it'll be okay, OT, the boys're pretty good in OT, just, for the love of the lord don't let it go to the shootout cause Julien kind of sucks at picking his shootout snipers. And then Timmy wandered into the trapezoid. And Dennis Wideman, who in all fairness should not have been on the ice, what, having taken a slapshot IN THE FOOT in the 3rd and was shown beating his head on the dasher in pain, missed Jordan Staal coming around to steal the puck from Tim, who got sort of caught up on his own pipes, and Pascal Dupuis just hit the layup right into the open net and the green light turned on.

I'm still wondering what the fuck just happened. I'm sort of over it, cause tonight it's the Isles. But you know what? Let's take a look at the positives that came out of Saturday night, shall we?

LUKE SCHENN GOT HIS GAME BACK! Seriously, Ron Wilson if you don't keep Schenn and Gunnarsson together, I'm coming up to TO and keying "you still suck Crazy Ron" into your car. OK no I won't, but I will think about it for a long time! These two played together the same way Luke and Tyler Myers played together in Kelowna. There was instant chemistry there that hasn't been apparent yet between Schenn and ANY of the d-men he's been paired with, no matter how much he can learn from them a veterans. What have we learned from this experiment? Keep the younger guys together, and look - they stay at an even +/-. Who knew?

Also, Phil Kessel, way to keep trying to carry this team on your back. This is unnatural for me, not talking shit about Philly. But I'll give credit where it's due. But Ron Wilson, I mean it, mister! You know I mean business! You keep those boys together and your blue line will improve. OK well, I mean you have 2 other pairings you've gotta worry about but I propose you put Beauchemin and Komisarek together AND LEAVE THEM TOGETHER, and then I guess White and Finger, and just let Ex stay upstairs. I'm sorry, I spent too many years watching Ex lose games for the Thrashers. His play appalls. I am appalled. It's appalling.

David Krejci got goal #2 on the season, and assist, what, 5? He's finding his groove again. I give it another 5 games before he's back into last season's form, and 7-8 before he's showing us what he can REALLY do while healthy. AND! Milan Lucic showed up in the NESN studios during the 2nd intermission to promote Travis Roy's Fenway Winter Classic charity raffle. We all know I love Looch so it was like Christmas for me. Except.. well. OK I like what Looch was wearing, but I have to admit, he's kind of pushing the mobster look a liiiiiiittle too far here. It's a nice shirt but um. Well you guys can decide for yourselves what you think about this:

Keep in mind that Looch's nickname is Gino, and just go ahead and let your mind wander from there. Way to live up to your nickname, big guy. Drop it like it's hot and get your ass in the lineup on Thursday and all will be forgiven.

So! In my way, instead of dwelling on the negative (FUCK YOU, COMPOSITE STICKS!) I will instead ignore everything crappy that happened Saturday, and post some pictures highlighting the positive. Enjoy. Photos courtesy Reuter's and Getty and maybe AP. All rights reserved, etc.

 

 

Apparently David Krejci didn't actually score, since there's no photos of it. ANGRY FACE! Bring it tonight, Bruins.

OH OH! I almost forgot! Word on the street is, Marc Savard will be signed to a contract extension right around American Thanksgiving. Can I get a WHUT WHUT HOLLA HOLLA BLING BLING?! Wooooord up!  Best. News. Evar.

Lastly (hah, yeah right, we've met, you know me and my PS's), if you're into this sort of thing, go over and check out The Handsome Man's Guide To Life where a totally hetero man posts and reviews the fashion wins and fails of professional athletes, and also talks a lot about the Leafs. I have a sneaking suspicion it may be Sean Avery in hiding, but he's funny, so I'll let that suspicion slide by the wayside.

David Krejci and I now have something in common

And no, it's not an unnatural love for Milan Lucic.

It was announced today by Bruins GM Peter Chiarelli that Krecji has tested positive for the H1N1 virus, aka the swine flu. I had mine a couple weeks ago, and you know what the absolute WORST thing about it is? Being isolated/quarantined. The unrelenting boredom and being really hot all the freakin' time.

Krejc joins other illustrious NHL players with the virus - Doug Weight, Ladislav Smid, Quintin Laing, and Peter Budaj.

Personally, I blame this guy:

Witty title here - B's and Leafs in review

First off, I would like to point out that I WAS RIGHT. Not too long after posting my rant about how Wilson is ruining Schenn by breaking his confidence, and how he pretty much sucks as a coach, a former player under Wilson, Jim Thomson, went on Off the Record, and said the exact same damned thing. 

Off The Record guest Jim Thomson, who played for Wilson with the Anaheim Mighty Ducks during the 1993-94 season, lashed out at his former coach on Thursday, saying that while Leafs general manager Brian Burke is a "good hockey man", Wilson was lacking.

"Ron Wilson is not a good coach," Thomson told OTR. "Where it breaks down is he can't motivate players, he doesn't know what to do with players when there's controversy and they are losing."

Thomson also took Wilson to task for his handling of young blueliner Luke Schenn, who struggled during the Leafs 2-1 loss to the Ottawa Senators on October 6.

"When he calls out Luke Schenn three games into the season, a young player who's their future, and starts beating the hell out of him...You don't call a player out in the media, you go behind closed doors," Thomson stated.   "I watched him do it to Oleg Tverdovsky in Anaheim, and he ruined the kid's career."

I really want to gloat about how I was right, but case in point is, it's nothing to gloat about. This once again raises my battle cry to fire Wilson. Keep Zettler though! He's helping Luke find his game. And someone find Tim Armstrong and bring him in as head coach for the Leafs.

While on the subject of the Leafs, I was fascinated watching the last half of the game last night. This team DOES know how to play hockey. Why it took them 7 or 8 games to realise that, I've no idea. I couldn't tear my eyes away, nor could I help but be filled with glee that the 'Nucks hit the post 3x on an empty net. Fate? Only until they potted that last attempt.

Luke Schenn, if you happen to read this... I need to give you a quick education in fighting:

Kiddo, you keep holding your fist like that and it's only a matter of time before you break your damned hand. I was very pleased with the few great lefts he did get in on Glass (best last name EVAR for a fighter?), but that is a damned tragedy waiting to happen. Here is how to properly make a fist while punching someone:

Hand loosely curled, upper fingers tucked with the thumb over them, lower fingers flat, and you hit with your lower fingers. If you hold your thumb on the side of your index finger, there's nothing to keep your hand in position and voila - broken finger or hand or wrist. Watch Fight Club, or one of the many Lucic fights, for further illustration. You're welcome.

Moving onto the Bruins... I have to share this simply due to the hilarity. Last night I was flipping between the B's and Leafs, and I was captivated by the Leafs' ability to play hockey at the end of the third, and I missed the B's tying up the Sens. And this happened:

[21:32] me: i'd like to see krejci start doing something with his game.
[21:33] ****: ..... >:-(
[21:34] me: oh haha who scored? i was watching the leafs ACTUALLY PLAYING HOCKEY!!! IMAGINE!!!! the mind. it boggles.
[21:34] ****: fucking Krejci!!! :P!!!!
[21:35]: me: LMFAO NO WAI!!!!!

And what a beautiful goal it was. It's like I'm magic or something. Then I said in OT I'd like to see Sobotka score, and I believe he rang his next shot off the pipe. Thanks for the goal, Krejc. My fantasy team thanks you, and I thank you for a great win on my birthday!

The Bruins are playing surprisingly well despite the rash of injuries they're suffering through right now (and when I say rash, what I really mean is, their entire top line for most of last season is gone). They're still having a bit of a time delivering a full 60 minutes consistently, but they get down and dirty when it counts. And I can't complain, considering they're almost dead even with their stats from the same time last year. The biggest problems right now for them are goals allowed (2.9 v 2.4 last year) and the power play - 15%? Really? REALLY? I know Savvy was really their power play guy, but it shouldn't matter. Now that Krejci's gotten his first goal, I'm hoping he'll really step it up to be the QB on the PP, and get things going. Is 15% the worst in the league? That's just sad. Especially with Big Z on the point. Come on now, Bruins. Work it out.

I would like to thank Sean at my favourite Leafs blog - Down Goes Brown for making me follow up every mention last night of "Kyle Wellwood" with "is fat." Go give him a read if you haven't yet. He's possibly one of the best bloggers I've ever read, and that's saying something.

Six more days til Halloween - what are you going as?

Gather round my loves, it's picture time!

B's pull a sweet win over the Sens (I rather enjoyed how the B's toyed with their emotions, letting them think they MIGHT have a chance to win, then RIPPED all hope out of their hands with the Savard goal!) and was the first team to reach 30 wins this season, having done it in 42 games. Well played, Bruins, well played indeed! Kari got his 1st shutty of the year, 12th of his career, Jimmy Slats had possibly his best game of the year, and holy shit the Thrashers potted 4 goals, and played some damned good defence. Slap my ass and call me Charlie! Although someone, perhaps Valabik as he seems to have learnt and settled down a bit, should take Boults aside and have a word with him about how to pick your battles.

Anyway, moving on, moving on. Look. Teh pictures! So pretty! If ANYONE has a photo of Savvy doing the glove pump up towards the crowd after his goal, I will be your best friend forever, and talk about how amazing you are to my crowd of 9 faithful readers, and then they too will love you! Oh and also, check out this great article on the B's!

As always, pics resize to 1024 etc etc etc. Don't you guys know this by now??

Goal!

Another goal!

 

Goal love!

More goal love!

And even MORE!

This team scores a lot...

Thorty puts it to Neiler

Smoosh

Smash

And POW!
I love that Z's laughing at Fish.

---

Kärrrrrrrrrrrppä!

Army thought he could fly... or something?

Russian/American goal love. I love this game!

I THINK Boults is trying to hug Oyster.

Save

Save

Another...

Y uno mas

Man it's like all this guy did all night was stop pucks!

.... oh wait.